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meg fowler tripp dot com
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “don’t you worry ’bout a thing, mama.”.
Even though you don’t know me, I offer a long-distance hug. I think you’re very brave to write about this.
meg, we all know how much you value the blessings you have in your life.
as a person that made the choice not to have children of her own (or rather my pig of an ex-husband made that choice for me) i wish i could give you those parts of my body that work for that purpose.
I too was shocked by the cancer vs. infertility results, and that comment about infertility being shameful. Shocking.
As a woman in perimenopause, at an age appropriate time though, i offer you my sympathy.
I am sorry for your loss. Process it any way you can and need to, even if you think it’s whining.
Big hugs to you Meg. Thanks for being honest. AND ENOUGH WITH THE FEELING GUILTY!!!!! :) We all have different things to grieve in life and you know that we all deal differently. Just because you “give in” to grief for a moment doesn’t mean you’ll feel like that always. I know a good rant/cry/scream has done a lot more for me than holding it all in. I get bitter, angry and depressed if I do hold it in.
I can’t believe that poll… seriously. Apparently the people who answered haven’t experienced (or had a loved one experience) the horrors of chemo, radiation or surgery.
Glad you’re back on our side of the border!!! :)
Oh, Meg. You are amazing to write all of this, to open yourself and release some of your anguish. I believe that you can do this more often and I hope that you do not feel ashamed in doing so. You have every right NOT to keep any and all of your feelings on these incredibly intense subjects bottled up inside.
No one’s words can ease your pain; I won’t begin to attempt anything of the sort. Anyone who loves you and cares for you will be there for you when you need to vent, cry, set free and give life to your demons.
Including me.
You are allowed. You are strong. You can do this.
“Now I’m old before I’m old, childless before I’ve even had a chance to try for it, and weak through no fault of my own in ways I don’t even understand yet.”
This paragraph made me cry. Not because you won’t get through these awful times but because you have to and there is no way of knowing if you are doing it correctly.
But you are doing it.
I don’t know what to say except {{Meg}}
it is written perfectly, and the ending, well, it seems reasonable that’s still a work in progress. you are brave and honest and sincere and inspiring, and we are all lucky to know you.
Meg,
Life is a work in progress. we all have to play the hand we’re dealt in the game of life. But even I wouldn’t have wished this on you, let alone my worst enemy. You have EVERY right to feel the way you do. and That post was ended in the way it should have been. Yeah.
But I will say this. Any man on this plant would be VERY lucky to have you. And for the record, you are one of the most atteactive Canadians this 36 year old man’s ever seen…and I’ve seen quite a few. You’re going to find Mr. Right Meg. and He’ll be right for YOU, and that little one your going to adopt with him.
You see, sometimes you geat a bad hand… and then you get an Ace you can use to make that straight.
Hang in there Meggie. You are one HELL of a lady. and you will get through this. By the way, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m just one of a bunch of people her who believe in you. We all know you’re going to have all your dreams come true…
You’re dealing just fine by my calculations.
Darling, it doesn’t annoy or bother us when you complain/talk/gush/vent your feelings on this matter~that’s what we’re here for, to quietly offer support.
How can you GET perspective, ever, if you don’t bounce the thoughts and feelings around? *hug*
Don’t belittle your feelings or deny yourself the right to OWN those feelings. We may not understand exactly how you feel…but we can surely prop you up and help you go on. :) At least, I’d like to. I know how hard it is to lean. I don’t like to do it either.
But you can, and it’s okay.
Thank you so very much for sharing this, and letting us be here for you if only through our words.
You’re very brave, you know.
Love, love love you. xoxoxoxox
(((Meg))
It made me feel very sad that you feel like you have to justify expressing your sadness about infertility. Its almost as if you feel that expressing them is burdensome to others or makes you seem like you are self-pitying? Not at all. You are just a bright woman who is being honest with herself and others about what you are experiencing in your life. It isn’t required that you preface your grief, etc by outlining your many blessings. I am glad that you expressed your feelings here, because they are real and should be shared. They should be shared with your non-blog friends too, if they are true friends.
I was stunned to learn that the people in that survey would choose cancer over infertility. I wonder how much of that is because women base their self image a heavily on roles that we are programmed to play…mother, wife, etc rather than just embracing being a human being. You are whole even without having a child. Sometimes I don’t know if I will ever have a child as I am getting older and haven’t met the man of my dreams, so I find myself wondering how I can define or make sense of my life if that doesn’t happen for me. It isn’t the same as what you are contending with at all,but I really do sympathize with you and admire your strength.
Sending you a cyber hug across the miles….((((MEG)))
Aw Meg. Life hurts sometimes. I’m so sorry for you, but I know you will be okay in your own way, in your own time.
Definitely, your auto-compare tool won’t work anymore. There’s absolutely no way to make any true comparisons in your circumstances.
As Michael (aged 11) would say, “It really stinks that…” From him that’s a heartfelt expression of empathy when someone is denied something or can’t have some important experience. He doesn’t add any qualifiers. My own condition is pretty minor, in the grand scheme of things, but not to me, and I find it comforting that he can say just that, when everyone else says something that includes the word “but…”
I wish I could think of a stronger verb than “stinks” for your situation.
Being as we are half a world apart, so I can’t reach out and hug you, I’ll have to settle for offering a little HRT (Humor Replacement Therapy) from http://minniepauz.com/ .
Dear Meg,
These are big emotions, and they deserve such a long post. Writing is theraputic, and feedback from the blogosphere (yes, there are people to scoff at the word, but they just don’t get it), can be amazing.
I can relate to all the overwhelming emotions you are feeling, having gone through something like this in my early 20s. Write about it, and talk to anyone who will listen. Connect with others (online of off) who have similar experiences.
On that note, I invite you to explore the happiness and comeraderie you can find down the childfree path. It’s a conscious choice to be childfree instead of childless. And you know what…it’s the neatest feeling in the world to find a man who loves you just for you, regarless of your fertility status.
Honestly, I probably would not have read that long of a post if a friend had not recommened it to me. I edit and contribute to a team blog for women who are childfree, called Purple Women & Friends. Please pay us a visit when you’re ready. It’s a safe place to take a peek at the other side of the fence.
I would really like to know where you found the online survey that asked such an inane question. Can you send me the link in an email? I think I’d like to feature it on our blog. Thanks a bunch!
Meg,
I ran across this quite accidentally…a classic case of serendipity. I’ll explain. Today, I was really down, thinking that I had made a dreadfully wrong decision about taking another apartment (in my same town) and moving from what’s been my modest home of several years. I arranged to take another look at my new place and did so a little while ago. It looked homier and roomier than I remembered. I felt a little better. When I got into my car to go “home†I turned on the radio and an old Stevie Wonder song was playing. Yeah, you guessed it! The song doesn’t precisely mirror my situation, but it’s close enough that I felt better still, and even smiled at the coincidence. I came home and googled “don’t you worry ‘bout a thing mama†so I could check out the lyrics. There you were, the 5th item in the search results and the first one I clicked.
I was surprisingly compelled to read your whole piece. The more I read, the more I came to know that you are someone quite special, and someone whose writings can be of great benefit to a great many. The guy who says that they are mere selfish rantings and whinings is looking at this from a far different perspective than my own. I can be a little egocentric, but I want to believe I’m right and he’s wrong.
I recently got one of those stupid emails that people circulate around with all those mostly cliché “inspirational†messages. These things typically just feed my cynicism, which is already damn pronounced. I actually opened and read this one, which hit me differently. It was about the takes of little kids on love and concern. The most striking one to me was this, which I’ll paraphrase:
A 4-year old child’s elderly next-door neighbor had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing him crying, the little boy crossed over into the old man’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”
I’ll end it there…well, other than to quote your perfect ending, “yeah.â€