megfowler.com

Crazy Decaf Man was at the coffee stand again today, occupying 99.9% of the real estate while he added things and stuff and unadulterated sass to his dinky little cup of joe.

But he must have wakened on the right side of his sensory deprivation tank this morning, because he turned and smiled at me as though to say, “I forgive you for previously violating my personal space. Thank you for standing the requisite twenty feet back while I stir.”

I was just waiting for my change, though. And after I got that, I snuggled in next to him and said, “MORNING!”

He dropped his lid and bleated like a tiny lamb.

People totally love me.

Also? Today I NAILED my baby toe on a curb. NAILED. OW. I bleated like a very LARGE lamb. Like a lamb on steroids. A bloodcurdling lamb. OW.

Now I feel all whiny. And I spilled my coffee a bit in the midst of the trauma, so I also have a stain on my skirt in the shape of Mississippi.

MEH. (That was for you, Catherine.)

And speaking of Catherine: last night we were out and about, and I was pushing the radio buttons looking for a song that wasn’t by Chamillionaire or Fall Out Boy or My Chemical Romance (triple echhh!). I paused on this one station where a woman who sounded like a 1-900 worker was talking about her experiences with schoolchildren in Africa.

Oy, was she creepy. I should have changed the station again, but I JUST COULDN’T LOOK AWAY.

She kept talking about all the things they DIDN’T HAVE and ALL THE PERSPECTIVE SHE GOT, all the while purring like she was about to ask for our credit card number. Ew. EW. Then she played something by Foreigner.

So this is my question: who is programming nighttime radio? And how do I get that job? Because it seems like YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

The camp I used to direct actually bought the stuff to start a mini radio station on our island in the late 90’s. I would send various members of my programming staff to do peppy little shows while the kids were waking up or during free time in the afternoon (when they were roving about like tiny gang members looking to roll a drunk. Or, you know, do archery.) it was an easy way to add a fun soundtrack to all the day’s events.

It also came in handy for the Morning Activities I would lead, most of which involved me standing in front of 300 people and forcing them to do something excessively weird for my entertainment. Like the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy. Or a really, really long conga line made out of 220 eight year olds. Or Tai Chi to Yanni. I mean, I’d do it, too — someone has to show them how, right? — but watching the chaos was a beautiful way to begin any day.
In the evenings, when I knew (hoped) my boss wouldn’t be listening, I would do a little show of my own where I would play songs I liked and have segments like “Shoe Chat” (where I would invite a member of my staff up to talk about the shoes they were wearing) and “Book Chat” (where I would invite someone up to discuss a book we’d both read, like Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing or Sidney Sheldon’s Bloodlines.) I’d also open the lines up for requests, at which point my friend Jonathan would inevitably shove a note under the door asking me to play something by Britney Spears.

The jig was up when I gave out my cell as the Request Line, and a man in the town across the water from us called to ask that I’d play “something by Neil Diamond, or maybe Styx.” I had no idea the signal was going that far. So I put on “Sweet Caroline” and officially ended the broadcast day of After Hours With Meg before the CRTC shut my ass down.

What the hell am I talking about?

Anyway: the road trip. Our road trip!

We leave this weekend. I’ll be blogging intermittently, but certainly not at my normal rate.

We’re going down the West Coast, but sadly (Barbie!) we won’t be in the Bay Area because of our winding path to visit various friends and do some camping (and assorted other things we can’t afford, but WHY SHOULD THAT STOP US?)

HA!

I haven’t had a vacation in a million years. Seriously. I’ve never even left freakin’ North America. I figure I can justify a bit of a toodle down South.
For now, however, I am erratic, overtired, overwhelmed with all the things I need to get done before then, and caught up in figuring out all the details of life.

It’s going to be amazing, though. AMAZING. And we’re so excited. SO.

Thanks for listening.