I have seen so much in the past few days (months…years) that makes my heart sink. There are a million impossibly horrible things going on at any given moment. I look at the news, and all I can think to do is weep, because it’s unimaginably awful, the nightmare that some people live in. And whether I know them or not, I am devastated.

Pain exists in others’ lives on a level I cannot comprehend.

Yet when people make jokes about the pain that others face or make light of any aspect of tragedy, or choose instead to dissolve into blame, hate and fear as a response to trauma, I think — do you know what you’re doing?

You are chipping away a little portion of your own soul.

I need every inch of my soul that’s there.

I am not ignorant enough to believe that love always conquers all, that people will always do the right thing in the end, or that platitudes and empty expressions will help anyone but the person expressing them. Sometimes you need to be angry to get things done.

And fear is not something any of us can deny feeling — it echoes like an alarm in a canyon.

But tonight, so I can pray hard and then go to sleep — because my perpetually awake state helps no one, and does no favours for my perspective — I tried to think of songs I could sing as lullabies to myself that would bring me some measure of comfort and joy. And here is one that came to me.

I look at the world around me, and sometimes I feel guilty for my warm bed and my full belly and my family and friends and my job and my life. I feel guilty that I ever think I’m stressed or hard done-by.

In those moments, I feel too guilty to laugh or dance.

But then I remember that a descent into flailing grief about the state of the planet is really nothing but self indulgent. Rather, to make any change, I should work on my hope, on my drive to see positive change occur, and on my ability to extend grace and love to others. And I should act on all those things, and take them from philosophy to reality.

I can be angry forever and change a few things with the raw energy I find in hate, or I can love well, and change myself and the world.

When I think about it that way, how dare I do anything but love?

Sing if you want. I am.

****

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

lennon/mccartney

****

I challenge every one of you to love well today. Care as hard as you can. Do something to make your love obvious. Dream big of ways to make your love felt, and think of practical steps to make those dreams come true.

And when you feel the anger and darkness welling up — and it is a part of every one of us — choose to act in love anyhow. It’s hard. We usually make everything political and polar before we even try to connect the dots.

But if you can manage it, I guarantee — even in this big scary world — you will sleep better at night.

Even I will — maybe.