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I have no idea how to spell that. Kumbyah? Koombaya? Cumbayah? LL Cool J?

CBS’ Survivor recently announced their intention to divide teams by race for the upcoming season of the waning-in-popularity series.

This has caused an uproar, of course… as well I think it should, especially when people like Rush Limbaugh use it as an opportunity to share their views about which race will prove a “winner.”

Eccch.

So I thought I’d help out by offering new ways to divide the teams that they might not have considered yet:

• PC users vs. Mac users
• Hockey fans vs. Football fans
• Lottery ticket buyers vs. Compulsive gamblers
• Lactose intolerant people vs. People with nut allergies
• Fans of Linkin Park vs. Fans of Tool
• Elvis impersonators vs. Michael Jackson lookalikes
• OCD sufferers vs. People with ADD
• Old Coke lovers vs. Those who liked New Coke
• Democrats and Republicans
• Polygamists vs. Feminists
• East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap
• Telemarketers vs. Anger Management class-takers
• Playboy Bunnies vs. MIT Grads

I think any one of them could be huge. Any more suggestions to save CBS from marketing peril?

UPDATE for Matthew Sheffield’s readers: Hi! I would comment at Mr. Sheffield’s blog, but my “registration to comment” hasn’t been approved. This isn’t a political blog. I make this clear here. Mr. Sheffield apparently did a blog search for the keywords “Survivor” and “race” and mine was the only one that must have seemed “lib” enough to mention from his results (because I mentioned Mr. Limbaugh.) And I’m Canadian… so I don’t vote in US elections.

A few points:

• Rush Limbaugh’s comments were ill-founded, lacking in context, based on antiquated stereotypes, and entirely inflammatory (this is his stock in trade, people… it’s what he gets paid to do, like any other pundit.)

• “Pundit” is a funny word.

• I think there are plenty of conservatives who have issues with Rush Limbaugh and the way he plays fast and loose with facts and news. I think most people should have a problem with that. And I don’t think he cares.

• This post was primarily an excuse to make jokes about lactose intolerance and New Coke and telemarketers. Because that stuff is the essence of humour (note the Canadian “u”)

• I do, however, think that stupid comments will be made about CBS’ little controversy-builder on both sides of the political fence. And when I say “people like Rush Limbaugh”, I mean anyone who speaks without considering the consequences of their speech. Again, this occurs across the political spectrum.

• CBS’ was profoundly irresponsible in deciding to make race the object of a publicity stunt because the problem of racism (and I love the comment — “it’s racial, not racist.” Yes, division by race is “racial.” All the crap that inevitably follows is “racist”, however) is simply too large and too thorny to find any resolution, reasonable debate, or clarity within the context of a reality show. It’s like trying to tackle feminist debate on “America’s Next Top Model” or gender psychology on “The Bachelor.”

• There are people dying all over the world because of assumptions, beliefs, and biases connected with race, and while Mr. Burnett may view it as provocative entertainment or “pot-stirring”, I believe that it is nothing short of cold-blooded, regardless of any provisos or rules or systems he may put in place to seem more “PC.”

• New Coke jokes are STILL funny. Even after all these years. Huzzah!