This isn’t McSweeney’s, you know.
Although I wish it was. It’s just not. I’m clearly not that bright, witty, or structured today. It’s more of a “my brain is a narcoleptic snail” day than a “I can turn the world on with a smile!” day. My brains are scattered like ashes upon the wind, and my body? Yeah.
Stupid body.
Anyhow.
In the interests of discovering something more interesting than the crackle-free connections of my sluggish synapses, I’m going to do a brain dump and hope that a decent post will follow. Then I can delete this one in obvious horror and get on with the show.
It’s like a cleanse. Like a detox. Like a dog sticking my head out the window and blowing my ears back. Like writing about nothing at length just because my mom and dad love me and feel compelled to read it, and also Chuck, because he apparently does, too. Though he is neither my mom, nor my dad. He is a Mukiltean.
So, without any further mumbling:
Unrelated and stupid things (well, not all stupid, but unrelated) things I am thinking about right now (in point form, for efficiency.)
- My fingertips ache.
- My coffee has cooled somewhat. And when I say this, I mean that a tiny glacier has formed on the surface. Can someone turn the AC down?
- Is New Orleans going to get nailed again this year? And can the city handle it twice? Why do people go back to nightmares just because they remember how things were pre-nightmare? How bad does it have to get before the memories don’t sustain your desire to follow through with your choice? How much to we have to lose in order to let go?
- Why, oh why is Larry King still employed?
- I wish I could write like David Sedaris or Dorothy Parker or Flannery O’Connor.
- I need a better conditioner for my ends.
- Why are there so many visitors coming straight here and NOT commenting?
- How irritated do you have to be at someone to remove a link to their website from your own website?
- I wonder if I could find running shoes I would like better than the ones I have now? Nothing freaks me out more than running shoe shopping.
- I have to find some loonies to do my laundry tonight.
- Will Luongo really help us this season?
- Is top-notch hyphenated?
- There are not enough hard-boiled eggs in my life.
- I think I would like a) a Lush bath bomb bath; b) the perfect white hoodie; c) a pair of pale pink Havaianas; d) a grilled cheese sandwich; e) a bowl of soup.
- I will make do with a) no bath; b) my black t-shirt with the coffee blotch; c) my black Havaianas where I ripped off the toe part this morning by tripping off a curb; and d) the aforementioned coffee.
- “Make do” looks stupid.
- Why is there a perpetually chapped patch on my lip? It’s like a tiny section of sandpaper.
- I cannot wrap my mind around perpetual hatred. What would need to happen to me to make that seem like a logical, reasonable option? I assume it’s possible (I know my own darkness), but the thought is fairly horrifying. And why do some people — in the midst of hideousness — choose to doggedly seek out peace? They won’t give up trying to improve things around them, while people within the exact same circumstances choose to act out in hate as though it were the only rational option. People from the same streets and families, even. I am fascinated by the psychology of crisis response. Is that weird?
- I’m tired of listening to talking heads.
- CNN is getting tabloidy.
- John Roberts was better when he was JD Roberts.
- I don’t own any pink clothes anymore.
- I’ve never been in warm ocean water.
- I’m a nutbar.
- This is the last one.
July 31st, 2006 at 1:44 pm
Well, I dunno if you’re referring to t.v. talking heads or the seminal, witty band Talking Heads, but either way, I’ll take that over the MUSAK-ed Elvis Costello songs I got stuck with the other day. I got silver Havaianas a few months ago and now they seem like a horrible mistake. Like, I’m so frivolous that I need kinda-shiny flip-flops that go with nothng unless you’re the Tin Man. But pink seems like a good idea.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:00 pm
The hunt for laundry loonies…a quest I am glad to no longer be a part of. I always ended up buying rolls of loonies formt he bank (and then stealing them from myself for coffee)
July 31st, 2006 at 2:20 pm
“Will Luongo really help us this season?”
I got 20 bucks that says he will.
July 31st, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Oh honey, we ALL wish we could write like David Sedaris.
July 31st, 2006 at 3:46 pm
what are Havaianas and why are they so special? I mean, aren’t they just flip flops?
July 31st, 2006 at 3:52 pm
Havaianas last about five times as long as any others I’ve used, be they Reefs or Old Navy or Merrell or Teva or any of the rest. The rubber is super cushiony and resilient, and the style looks great on any foot. They’re a terrific flipflop.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:32 pm
I can’t believe I haven’t seen them around in Seattle. Everyone here wears Keen (which I think are funny looking) and I’m still wearing my Reefs and Tevas.
Thanks for the info! I read about them here and on Holly’s blog, so I knew they had to be what the cool kids are wearing.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:37 pm
I want to be Mrs. Havaianas.
July 31st, 2006 at 5:07 pm
I hate people who don’t comment. I hate repeat offender lurkers ( I can seeeeeee you!) who don’t comment. For these reasons I am commenting.
#8 on your list: This is why I keep stalling on even putting up a blogroll. What if someone hates me and doesn’t want me to link to them? What if I find out they kick puppies and I have to take them off and then they find me and kick me? What if?
July 31st, 2006 at 5:08 pm
Also, what is McSweeney’s?
July 31st, 2006 at 9:38 pm
What kind of Lush bomb?
I tried out a Black Pearl last night. Needs more jasmine, I think, but the purply-black water was exciting until I dropped my library book in it. Oops.
Desiree, this is McSweeney’s.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/
Funny lists and such.
July 31st, 2006 at 9:45 pm
And then I re-read Meg’s post and realize that she already provided a link.
Slinking away to bed now.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:23 am
I think that you should subsitute the bomb bath for the warm ocean. AND it’s good for your hair. Kill 2 birds with one stone!
August 1st, 2006 at 11:44 am
Hehe…when you said loonies, I immediately thought “Why is Meg looking for crazy people to do her laundry for her….???” Then I remembered that you’re from Canada…which I frequently forget to remember unless you’re writing about Canada Day or something like that…. oops…
Oh, and I just got done with David Sedaris’s book… “Clothe Your Family in Blue Jeans and Denim” (I think that was it anyway)…I bought it to read on the plane ride to VA way back in February, and just got around to reading it. It was fantastically funny.
August 1st, 2006 at 12:08 pm
In defense of lurking: I’ve always thought of lurking as polite reading without asking for any attention back. I think of posting comments as sort of a “hey, look at me, too” plea, which, in my opinion, would add nothing to your already excellent and entertaining posts.
But if you want us to unlurk to say hello, consider it done… “hello!”
August 1st, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Unfortunately, none of the things you mentioned can be found in the package I sent you. Sorry ’bout that. :)
August 1st, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Hi!
March 7th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
RE: #17. Perpetual Chapped Sand-papery spot.
Once I got here, many things on the list intrigued me, but it was honestly the chapped patched that landed me on this page. I can’t fucking figure it out. Where the hell do they come from? WHen willit go away? DO I have mouth cancer? Herpes?