MySpace is not YourSpace.
I really, really love those people who can physically demonstrate what they perceive to be their personal space.
“You see my hand in front of me? That is where my personal space begins.”
Then they give you a stern expression to indicate that they are SERIOUS and you will EVAPORATE if you trespass into their aura.
I don’t really have much in the way of personal space. I think that comes from a) working with children, who have little concept of personal anything; and b) the fact that people don’t really freak me out.
I’ve done enough working in camps and hospitals and shelters and Starbucks locations to have come into contact with pretty much every kind of freak on the planet.
You name it, and I’ve served/helped/clothed/thrown coffee at it.
However, on the Internet? I feel somewhat differently. Here, I am putting my hand out to point firmly at my boundaries.
Now, I’ve must say that I’ve come to adore some of my fellow internetters as dear friends. In fact, I’ve met one or two.
They’ve come alongside me and encouraged me, and allowed me to do the same for them. And it’s AWESOME. It really is. I’m so honoured. There are some awesome people — LOTS of them — who write and read and talk and develop and invent and code and make things happen online.
But beyond that terrific spheres of goodness, there is, of course, the Rest of The Internet.
And to be honest? Kinda creepy.
There are the truly odd fetishists (furries, anyone?), the evangelical eBayers, the “Forum People” with opinions on everything, the YouTube video makers, and the… well. The MySpace people.
Really, all you need to do is surf it to cringe at it.
You’ll see more teenage skin than a dermatologist.
Let me say at this point that I don’t think it is MySpace that is actually the problem, beyond the reality of it being a massive, unpoliced, unhinged, hormone-drenched piece of web real estate.
If there were no MySpace, there would be SomeOtherSpace for kids and pedophiles to interact amongst really tragic HTML. And I will admit that my pretty damned innocent blog has inspired a few men to send me snaps of their… well… twigs and berries.
When all is said and done, Parents DO need to actually parent. Kids DO need to be better educated on risks. Some girls DO need more clothing. And some boys DO need to be beaten about the head for asking them to remove it.
But, regardless, there IS a MySpace and it DOES creep me out and I DO wish it would somehow just die in a massive server crash.
Even if you’ve spent the last year collecting 2,000 “friends.”
So here, for you, my ode to MySpace, to the tune of “My Favourite Things.”
Boob shots and lip gloss
And LOLs full of chuckles
Six packs and gang signs
And giant belt buckles
Photos that show more ass and less face
This is why people, they love their MySpace
***
Four million friends
That you plan on meeting
JPEGS so icky
You can’t view them while eating
Make a few dates, but don’t forget to bring mace
This is why every girl wants her MySpace
***
When I’m horny
When I’m moody
When I’m feeling sad
I simply sign on with my convict of choice
And then I don’t feel so bad….
***
June 20th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Hey, that’s me! (She says stupidly, just having woken from a nap.) So, you’re OK with average, everyday fetishists like me? Whew!
You’ve gotten photos of twigs and berries? Gosh, stuff like that never happens to me. You lucky dog.
I have recently been contemplating a similar post, to the tune of “Get Together” (”Love one another right now …”), about jerks on the Internet. I am so tired of people who, like insects, exist primarily to annoy others.
June 20th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
I don’t think MySpace is all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve tried with all 5 of my accounts (rich kid, poor kid, athlete, loveable computer nerd, rock musician) and couldn’t get a single prom date.
June 20th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I LOVED this post, Meg. Couldn’t agree with you more. The whole MySpace thing just seems to be further evidence of the decline in Western civilization. Makes me ill.
June 20th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
and now a 14 year old victim of sexual assault is suing MySpace for $30 million because “the site does not take sufficient steps to protect underage members.” while i do feel for anyone who has been victimized, i have a hard time believing that MySpace is at fault for her assault, especially when taken into context the type of “social networking” that takes place on that site.
June 20th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
I am SO jealous you met Patia!!
Great post!
June 21st, 2006 at 2:21 am
This is an excellent post, Meg, but I’m a little surprised by aspects of some comments provoked. The fact that paedophiliac activity sells papers is neither here nor there. So do war, starving African babies & street gangs. It’s because the phenomena are real & people suffer as a result of them. When the people are kids, our interest should be acute & focussed, our intelligences should be fully engaged & our responses should be rational & proactive.
I love the sardonic little song too.
June 21st, 2006 at 3:10 am
Meg,
This one, too.
Thank you again!
~Kurt
June 21st, 2006 at 5:58 am
Personally, I’m all about the hideously tacky page designs and animated doodads in forty-seven colors, all of which blink and twirl as though they had just touched a bare wire.
Also the sites that spontaneously begin playing music at me, without my asking them to.
I am going to race out and make a MySpace page RIGHT NOW!
And, since I’m here: The song was hilarious.
June 21st, 2006 at 6:18 am
…and your hair looks GREAT!
June 21st, 2006 at 7:50 am
MySpace is unlikely to die in a massive server meltdown, unfortunately. That kind of thing only happens to Yahoo e-mail and Blogger.
June 21st, 2006 at 8:48 pm
YES.
YES!
you are SO right.
(and such a talented word smith)
June 28th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Well done, Meg, well done.
MySpace is, due to its trendy nature, way past its 15 minutes of fame. And, like most things on the internet, has gotten just plain icky.
January 12th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
This is awesome! I think I now have a whole new song stuck in my head!